Help Me Make It Through The Night
by babydontbreakmyheartlikethis18
Summary: What happens when Kara's finacee becomes abusive towards her and her secret crush Ryan? Ryara
1. No Boundaries

Its three o'clock in the afternoon, on season eight's finale day and Ryan came in my dressing room (it was more like a dressing trailer) to bug me. I can't like him! I told myself. I can't fall for him. I'm here with Mike.  
I really like him. He knows that. But I can't just pack up and leave. Mike relies on me. I love him too, but I've never felt a spark with Mike. I felt the once-in-a-lifetime spark with Ryan, when I kissed him on a dare the night of the anual bonfire. Truth or Dare is my favorite game now.

_***Flashback***_

It was after the first day of Ryan and I were walking to the bonfire which seemed to be pretty small from where we were. I was wearing an Abersrombie and Fitch hoodie I bought 10 years ago. "So, you guys do this every year?"

"Yeah. Ever since the first audition of season 1." He looked over at me. That's when I first noticed his eyes.

I decided it was a very awkward silence, so I began. "You're gonna have to roast my marshmallows. I can't roast one to save my life. They turn to ashes."

"Alright, kiddo."

"Kiddo?"

"Yeah. What are you? 25?"

"Hell no. I'm 38."

"You look fantastic."

"Thanks."

Later we were all sitting around the bonfire, Randy pulled out the old acoustic guitar, and Paula and I were taking turns singing. I chose to sing "Help Me Make It Through The Night."

_Yesterday is dead and gone,  
And tomorrow is out of sight,  
It's so sad to be alone,  
Help me make it through the night._

That was the night I sorta fell for Ryan. I guess I wanted him to help me make it through the night. After about an hour of us requesting songs that Randy didn't know, and then trying to figure out the chords, Paula decided she couldn't sing any more, so I said let's play a game. Simon was the person who suggested truth or dare. And of course the new kid always has to go first. "Kara, truth or dare?'' Simon said

"Dare." I stated.

"Uhhhhh, kiss Ryan."

I looked over at him. He was already sitting by me. We leaned in closer until... Boom! We started kissing... passionatly. When we broke away, his lips lingered. That's when I knew it was him.

_***End Of Flashback***_

"I love you." I mumbled, so softly no one even looked over at me. Except Ryan. We exchanged a quick glance before I blushed and looked away. I feel like a little girl with a crush on someone when I'm around him. Mike acts so much different when I'm around Ryan, or even talk about him. It's like he knows.  
"Kara, can I talk to you... privatly?" Ryan stated. Mike stands up. He makes a fist, and before I could stop him he knocked Ryan to the floor.  
"Mike! What the hell was that for? Just... get out of my damn dressing room!" I paused and kneeled down to him. "Are you okay? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! Do you want me to like get you cold water or anything?" Like uhhhhh, yeah you should go murder Mike so I can be with you. Sorry, somtimes I have unchristian like and selfish thoughts. "No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am Kara."

"Here, at least let me help you up." I took Ryan's hand and helped him sit up. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to ask you if you wanna go to dinner with me tonight after the show, but that probably isn't a good idea."

"Don't worry about it. I'll make it work. Even if I have to sneak out, I'll be there."

"Good."


	2. Fly Away

_Help Me Make It Through The Night_

_Chapter Two: Fly Away._

After the show, I was talking to Randy as we went out to their cars. "Yeah, I'm really excited! My first finale."  
"It'll be great, yo. Look, here's my car. Bye-bye baby girl."  
"Bye, Randy!"  
"So what are you doin' tonight, K?" Mike asked me as we heard a couple of soprano screams coming from behind us. They ran up to me. "Kara! Kara! Will you sign this?" the girls held out copies of _The Kara DioGuardi Songbook_.  
"Sure! Who should I make it out to?"  
"Jessica, Trista, Tessa, & Madilyn!" They were still flipping out.  
Ryan walks up to me, "What is this about?"  
"Oh, my God!" The girls screamed again.  
"What? What's wrong?" I was alarmed.  
"The cutest couple ever is standing right in front of us! I'm Tessa, by the way."  
"Well, hello Tessa. I'm Kara." I shook her hand. She about passed out. I saw the way Mike looked at Ryan, knowing he coudn't beat him up with a bunch of teenagers around. "Here you go." I said trying to be pleasent while making sure my fiancee didn't beat up my secret crush that no one is allowed to know about because the media would find out and then Mike would find out and if I was lucky I would be in intensive care instead of the GROUND! Sorry had to get that out. "And who is this?" I asked the blond girl.  
"I'm Trista." I could tell she was shy.  
"Are you shy?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well don't be. It's just me."  
"'Kay." I finished signing everyone's songbooks. They all skipped off laughing. It was just me, Mike and Ryan. The death stare between them was killing me. "Mike, I'll meet you in the car." Mike left. "I talked to Paula about tonight. She said she would pick me up as if we were going to go out and drive me to your place, if that's okay."  
"That's perfect. I guess I'll see you then!"  
"Yeah!" I skipped over to my own car and jumped in the seat.  
"Back to my question, what are you doing tonight?"  
"Um, Paula invited me to dinner tonight, so I'm gonna go with her. She said she would pick me up at eight."  
"Oh, well, okay."  
"Yeah I might not be back for a while, either, so don't like wait for me or anything."  
"'Kay."  
Later, Mike and I were waiting for Paula to come and 'go to dinner with me', which was all code for take me to Ryan's so he and I can go clubbing. Mike kept moving a little closer to me. He finally took my chin in his hands and kissed me. Hard. I couldn't kiss back. I didn't feel it. I never feel it with him anymore, since I met Ryan. "Mike! Mike! Stop it!" He moved even closer to me and started unzipping the back of my dress. "Mike! I don't want to! Stop!" I reached for my zipper and zipped my dress back up. He pulled off of me. "I hear Paula. If you need me, feel free to not call!" I screamed as I walked out the door. I was really pissed at him. I got in Paula's car and slammed the door behind me.  
"What's wrong, Kara?" She asked me.  
"Mike just tried to have 'it' with me when I clearly told him not to."  
"Some guys do that. They force stuff on women."  
"I just really wanna see Ryan. He'll be more understanding than Mike."  
"You really like him, don't you?"  
"More than yesterday, yes."  
"Here we are." She pointed out Ryan as we pulled in the driveway.  
"Thanks, Paula." I gave her a quick hug before running to Ryan and leaing into his arms like I haven't seen him years.


	3. I Just Can't Live A Lie

_Help Me Make It Through The Night  
Chapter Three: I Just Can't Live A Lie_

"Kara, what's wrong?" Ryan asked, putting me down._  
_"Mike."  
"What about him?"  
"He tried to force something on me and I just... just... can't do that with him anymore!" I started crying and threw myself back into his arms.  
"Shhhhh, Kara. C'mon. Let's go inside." he put his arm around my shoulder and I put my arm around his waist. I wanted to burst into tears again knowing that I could never have him. We walked in his front door and then to his couch. I sat and he kneeled down in front of me. "Now, tell me what happened." I felt like he was my school counseler. I didn't care.  
"M-mike tried to have 'it' with me and... and... I just don't love him as much anymore!"  
"Why don't you?"  
"I-I can't love h-him because... I love you!" I confessed. "I can't keep on living this lie! Since the first time we kissed I've loved you!" The look on his face was: A. Priceless. B. Shocked. C. Excited. Yay! He was excited!  
"Really, Kara?"  
"Yes, really, Ry."  
"Well, I love you, too. I always have." I wrapped my arms around his neck again. I started to cry into his shirt as he held me. I slid to the floor and then onto his lap. He held kept me close to his body. I'd never felt as loved and protected. We both pulled away. Ryan pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. I was seriously scared. "It's gonna be okay." He reasoned.  
"Stupid feminine hormones." I joked, wiping the tears from my eyes.  
Ryan laughed. "To change the subject, do you still wanna go out to dinner?"  
"No." I said.  
"Good 'cause I don't!" He paused. "Do you want something to drink?"  
"Sure."  
"What do want then?"  
"Anything alcholic." I smiled. Ryan was a very pleasant person to be around. He always makes me laugh, and holds me when I'm sad (like I just expirenced). Mike, on the other hand isn't.  
"Here you go," He handed me a beer.  
"Thanks, Ryan." I opened the beer and took a sip. After a few more of those, talking and dancing aimlessly, we were both drunk. And I mean _extremly_ drunk. I don't tolerate a lot of alchohol very well. I get pretty loopy after 3 beers.  
"C'mon!" Ryan grabbed my hand and we rushed out into the pouring down rain.  
"What is this about! Ryan!" I screamed as he picked me up so I could wrap my legs around his hips. He spun me around. Then he leaned in to kiss me. It became... passionate. And then more passionate.  
"You wanna swim?" Ryan said very dirtily.  
"Hell yeah, baby!'' I giggled. I had started to call him baby after two.  
"Well them come on!"  
"Okay," I exagerated.  
He pulled me over to the pool and I started to throw my clothes off. I smiled in a very... uhhhh, to put it in an appropriate way... fiesty way. He took my hand and we jumped in the pool together.  
**  
Author note:**_ I think you all know where it goes from here!_


	4. No One :

_Help Me Make It Through The Night_

_Chapter Four: No One  
_

I woke up at 4 a.m. and I didn't know where the hell I was. Until I saw Ryan sleeping next to me. And then I realized I wasn't just sleeping next to him, I was _naked_ next to him. Ouch. This isn't okay. Well, I wish it was. But Mike will murder me. "Ryan," I shook him. "Ryan! Wake up!" I told him in an urgant way.  
He noticed the same thing I did."Kara, what is this about?" he mumbled.  
''I don't know. We must have been consumed with alchohol."  
"Yeah." he sat up. I looked deep in his eyes.  
"I have to get back home."  
"Your clothes are probably still soaked." he said.  
"I need a lie." I said as we walked downstairs into the living room. Ryan pulled me into his arms. "I got really tired when we went out so she just let me stay at her house. It was really late so I didn't want to call you." I practiced.  
"That's good. If you fell asleep at Paula's, we still have time." he smiled.  
"Yeah, plus no one in Los Angeles is awake yet." I started to get really dizzy and almost fell over.  
"Kara, you okay?" Ryan said, catching me in his strong arms.  
"Yeah, just... hungover." I said, inhaling deeply.  
"Then it's probably best you go back to bed."  
"Yeah." I stumbled back up the stairs. When we got up to his bedroom, I seriously _passed out _on the bed. Ryan checked that I was breathing before he wrapped his arms around me and fell asleep.

**Ryan's Pov**

It's about five now, and I just woke up again. I see Kara sleeping there. Next to me_._ _Me_, Ryan Seacrest. It's hard to believe that an amazing, gorgeous, talented, special, loving, kind, lovable woman would fall for me. And she _did_ fall for me. I know it by the look in her eyes. And the way she told me: _"I love you."_. No one could ever replace the love in her eyes, the feeling in my heart. No one.

((The song I chose today is... And still Ryan's POV))

_I just want you close  
Where you can stay forever  
You could be sure  
That it will only get better_

You and me together  
Through the days and nights  
I don't worry 'cause  
Everything's gonna be alright

People keep talking  
They could say what they like  
But all I know is  
Everything's gonna be alright

And no one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling  
No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I feel  
For you, you, you  
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down  
And my heart is hurting  
You will always be around  
This I know for certain

You and me together  
Through the days and nights  
I don't worry 'cause  
Everything's gonna be alright

People keep talking  
They could say what they like  
But all I know is  
Everything's gonna be alright

No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling  
No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I feel  
For you, you, you  
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world  
To find something like what we have  
I know people will try  
Try to divide something so real  
So 'til the end of time  
I'm telling you there is

No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling  
No one, no one, no one  
Can get in the way of what I feel for you 

**Kara's POV**

We awoke the same way we fell asleep; in each other's arms. Ryan rolled onto his back in his sleep and I moved closer, and put my head on his chest. _There_, I thought. _Picture perfect; I never wanna move._ He rubbed my shoulder. I looked up at him. He still had his eyes shut, but he was smiling at me. I smiled back, and returned to my position. Then tragity happened. My phone went off. _Wonder who that could be_. I thought. I reached over Ryan. _Hmm, I'm surprised. It's Mike. Yay. _The text message he sent me read:

_**Kara, where the hell are you? I need a good explanation.**_

Alright, here we go...

_**Your message just woke me up. I'm at Paula's. I got really tired at dinner last night, so she let me stay at her place. It was late so didn't want to call you. k**_

I used to always sign my texts to him in "love you..." But I can't do that anymore. I can't feel any love to him anymore. I mean, I like him as a friend but nothing more. I need to end our relationship, but I don't want to hurt him. I don't wanna be hurt. Mike's pretty strong... But so am I. Maybe not phsically, but emotionally... and hopefully biologically!

I sat my phone back down on his night stand and once again returned to my position. "Mike," He didn't say it as a question.  
"Yeah." I sighed.  
"What time is it?" Ryan asked.  
"Uhhh, 9:43,"  
"Cool."  
"We have the finale tonight." I said out of random and looking up at him.  
" I don't wanna go." He whined like a four year old.  
"I'm sowy, but wittle Wyan has to go." I said in a baby voice.  
"Awwww, why?"  
I just smiled.


	5. A Broken Wing: Part One

_A Broken Wing: Part One_

I returned home later, to find Mike sitting there on my couch, just staring blankly at the wall. I walked in silently, trying to avoid speaking to him. That lasted long.  
"Kara?"  
"Uhhhmmm, yeah?"  
His nice tone turned ugly. "GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! NOW!" I was scared. "Where were you?"  
"I told you. I was at Paula's." I lied.  
"No you weren't, Kara. Tell me where you were for real." he gripped my arm tightly. I winced in pain as it bruised.  
"I fuckin' told you, I was at Paula's!" Two could play the stern-voice-and-get-what-you-want game. Maaaayyyybe not. He stood and did to me the same thing he did to Ryan yesterday. Right in the side of the face. He knocked me to the door and I slid down till I was on my butt and bumped my head on wood. My hand immediatly went to the side of my face and I screamed: "What the hell? You bitch!"  
He crouched down to my eye level. "Now, tell me where you were."  
"I was at Paula's! For God's sake!"  
"Alright, alright. I give up." He walked off.  
"Thanks a lot for walking away with your soon-to-be wife on the floor with a giant bruise on her face! You've just won fiancee of the year award! Congratulations! Would you like me to shake your hand?" Silence. Had he left the house? No. He just came back with a sledge hammer. "Wh-what are you doing with that?" I said, noticing he just might...  
"This is what you get for being a smart ass!" He swung and it hit my leg. I could almost here the bone snap.  
"Ow... Oh my, God..." It was unbearable pain. There was no blood, but I've never expirenced worse pain in my lifetime. He pulled a knife out of his back pocket and stabbed right where he had uhhhh... sledged me I guess. That made it hurt ten times more. I couldn't speak. I just squealed. Squealed in pain. In anger. Sadness. Sad because I thought he was better than this.  
He picked me up like he was going to hold me like a child, on his hip. Instead, he took me to our bedroom and threw me into a mirror that was taller than I was. It all shattered as I touched it. The glass that was above me hit me in the head. Blood was everywhere. _My _blood.  
I started to feel weaker as he left the room. Then the house. I needed to get up and call someone and get help, but I was to weak. Somehow I got myself over to my nightstand and dialed his number. "Ryan... Ryan, it's me Kara."  
"Kara, what's wrong?"  
"I'm dying. And I'm not kidding. I need you here... now."  
"Okay, I'm calling 9-1-1 and I'm on my way."  
"Thanks. _I love you._" I said it like I could never say it again. I might not ever.  
"Everythings gonna be okay, Kara. I love you, too." I hung up.

_She loved him like he was  
The last man on Earth  
Gave him everything she ever had  
He'd break her spirit down  
Then come lovin' up on her  
Give a little, then take it back_

She'd tell him about her dreams  
He'd just shoot 'em down  
Lord he loved to make her cry

All I remember before I completly blacked out was thinking of that song.

I woke up in a hospital with all these machines hooked up to me. I saw Ryan sitting in the chair next to me and there was a tube shoved down my throat. I scared the living shit out of Ryan when he saw me awake. "My, God, Kara! Are you okay?"  
I pointed to the endotracheal intubation in my mouth. ((That's a word I found on the internet that stands for tube down your throat.))  
"Right... I knew that,"  
I wanted to laugh but it hurt so badly. I leaned back a little which once again _**ALSO **_hurt. This was going to drive me ballistic. The doctor walked in my room.  
"Hello, Miss DioGuardi," he continued "It sounds like you were abused by your fiancee?"  
Who told him this? "He must be very strong. He did some pretty bad damage to your body." He came over to me and took out the thing in my mouth. I felt so much better. Ryan stoked my hair which immediatly made me feel twenty times better. I looked at him with the most scared look I think I've ever gave anyone. I was seriously frightened.


	6. I Keep On Lovin' You

_I Keep On Loving You_

The doctor kept talking in words I didn't understand; everything was still a little blurry. After he left, Ryan told me everything he said. One thing in particular put me in a lot of shock. "... And he said you were pregnant. But you were quick to miscarry."  
"Oh my, God are you serious?" I exclaimed.  
"Yes. You_ were _pregnant." Hey Einstein, I think I got that.  
"Yeah," I said, looking at the wall. I realized something. Who's baby was it?

Minutes turned to days and weeks, and I was sitting at home with Mike. Ryan and I kept having our secret encounters, but I was still gererally with Mike. I can't risk anyone getting hurt again. We don't talk nearly as much as we used to. We don't even sleep in the same room. I mean, that would sort of be obvious. All that we say is just "What do you want for dinner"s and "I'm going to bed"s. It kinda reminds me of that Reba song:

_Love takes the patience of Job  
That's what my Mama always said  
Faith is the belief in something more than what you know  
That's what the Good Book says  
You gotta play the cards you got  
Who knows what fate is holding  
At times you gotta go without knowing where you're going_

That's why I keep on lovin' you  
I keep on lovin' you  
Through the baby don't leave mes  
And never will agains  
And I promise tos  
I keep on lovin' you

Lord knows we've had our share of fights  
Our sleepless nights, our ups and downs  
We've had plenty and then some of baby I'm gones and turnarounds  
Sometimes I swear it might be easier to throw in the towel  
Someday we're gonna look back  
Say look at us now

That's why I keep on lovin' you  
I keep on lovin' you  
Through the baby don't leave mes  
And never will agains  
And I promise tos  
I keep on lovin' you

Keep on lovin' you  
Through the I take it backs...I didn't mean it like thats  
I'd never hurt yous...Oh, I keep on lovin' you

I keep on lovin' you...I keep on lovin' you  
Through the I take it backs...I didn't mean it like that  
I'd never hurt yous...Oh, I keep on lovin' you  
I keep on lovin' you...I keep on lovin' you

I keep on loving him no matter how bad it hurts. It might kill me inside just because I love someone else. I love someone else more. Someone who I can trust. Who I love to death. Someone I've moved extremly fast with. I totally regret that. Pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up naked. That will never happen again. Or at least the getting drunk part. I can't sit here and wait to die. It'll be to long. Even though that's what I wanna do. I've gotta get out of here.

Mike's upstairs sleeping in the guest room. My plan is about to begin...


	7. Runaway Love

_Runaway Love_

_**Author's note: **__**Scratch the "my plan has just begun" thing. (You Wanna get Adision-icted: Your idea... this chap kinda next chap i guess)**_

I was sitting on my couch with my feet up, talking on my phone and twirling my hair.

He had just woken up; I heard him upstairs. Great. I was talking to "Nicole" (Ryan) about dinner tonight. Nicole is actually one of my friends from Duke. "Great, well I'll see you then."  
"Kara what was that about?" Ryan said, confused. We were talking about the other night when we went rollerskating and how we kissed in the corner when know one was looking. I loved and cherished every second I got to be with him, let alone us kissing. Those are the best.  
"Bye!" I hung up.  
"Kara, who was that?" Mike asked me.  
"My friend, Nicole from Duke. I'm going to dinner with her tonight." I swear to God if he's says no, I will...  
"Be back by 11:30. I will be out until then." he said, expressionless. Yes! That's still a while, Ryan said he would pick me up at 7. So... so that's good. I heard the horn honk.  
"'Kay! I gotta go, bye!" I said, jumping up and running for the door.  
"Wait!" I heard him yell. My heart started to beat faster as he came over to me. Mike kissed me softly on the lips. This is the person I loved as a friend. Yet not enough to be more than that. "Bye,"  
"Bye," I smiled. But I had to put that behind me. I walked out to his car and got in. "Hey, Ry."  
He didn't reply. "What's wrong?" No response. "Where the hell are you going? The restraunt is that way, genius!" I joked.  
He pulled an Edward Cullen on me. "Kara, we're going far away from here. And we're not coming back."  
"What about Mike? He finds out we're together, we could both get-" he interupted me.  
"Don't say it."  
"Killed." I bit my lip and then continued. "You know what? You're right. I'm sick of being in this fucking love triangle! I don't love him, Ryan! I love _you_!"  
He reached for my hand. "I love you, too."  
I looked in the side mirror of his car, as I watched my house disappear behind me, holding his hand tightly and tears ran down my face. •


	8. I'm Movin' On

_I'm Movin' On (possibly part one I don't know yet)_

**A/N: Sorry guys. Espcially the last few days when I decided I was doing it, I went into anaphylactic shock and was admitted to the hospital. Not fun. So here it is...**

Ryan and I waited for hours, or so it seemed, for the quickest flight to Fiji. We decided it was the best place to go becuase it was the most unlikely place for anyone to look for a couple of fugitives. I had mixed feelings about the whole run away from Mike thing. I knew he would come to find us and possibly kill both of us. But I wanted to make a life with Ryan. And I knew he wanted the same. My eyes had run dry from the tears I cried. I was leaving _everything_. Everything I ever had, everything I ever earned.

"Ouch, God Kara!" He joked. Apparently I was gripping Ryan's hand so hard he actually felt pain. I never meant to hurt him. I took his joke seriously and got a horrible look on my face, and bit my lip so hard hard it began to bleed. "Oh, my God, sweetie, stop it! You're making yourself bleed! Are you alright?"

I snapped right out of it, "Oh, shit, you're right!" We both kinda crack a smile, though. "I'm such an idiot..."

"You are _not_," He said, rubbing my knee. His comfort was always the best. "Baby," it's like Ryan could see the pain and worry in my eyes, "it's gonna be fine. Just trust me. Think about what will happen when everything is settled. We can throw him in jail for what he did to you! Kara, you and I are going to live happily ever after whatever happens with _him_." he knew that the word _Mike_ would hurt. "You and I are going to get through this togther. Kara and Ryan..."

I slid into his arms. His motivational "speech" brought me to tears. I was so scared, but I believed him. "I love you so much. Thank you," I cried.

"I love you, too, beautiful."

I pulled away from his embrace. Then Ryan put his arm around me, and I cuddled into his chest. A line kept running through my head... I knew I was going to be writing a song tonight.

_I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long  
I'm movin on_

I quickly pulled my phone out and made a voice memo. I sang it like 75 times until I got the melody right. Ryan eventually got frustrated with me and threatened to take my phone away. After learning our plane was going to take off at 7:30 tomorrow morning, and it was 12:00, Ryan decided to go to sleep. Uncomfortably, though. I continued to write my song. It would drive me nuts if I didn't finish it. The next verse came straight to me.

_I've lived in this place and I know all the faces  
Each one is different but they're always the same  
They mean no harm but its time that I face it  
They'll never allow me to change  
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong  
I'm movin on_

By the time I wrote this verse, I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. But the truth was sitting in front of me. The damn right truth. I finished the song later...

_I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons  
Finally content with a past I regret  
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness  
For once I'm at peace with myself  
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long  
Im movin on_

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces  
Each one is different but they're always the same  
They mean no harm but it's time that I face it  
They'll never allow me to change  
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong  
I'm movin on

I'm movin on  
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarentees, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyones life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't  
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town  
I've loved like I should but lived like  
I shouldn't  
I had to lose everything to find out  
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road  
I'm movin on

I'm movin on  
I'm movin on

The powerful words of my song broke my heart. What I had to do was move on...and Ryan was helping me lots to do this...


	9. When I Look At You

_**A/N: Okay sooo sratch the 'going to Fiji' thing... I changed it to the Virgin Islands. They don't speak much English in Fiji, and I'm not learning another language. haha**_

_When I Look At You_

_Chapter 9_

We boarded our plane in a couple hours. After the flight attendant announced we would be landing in 12 and a half hours, I made my self comfortable in Ryan's arms. His muscular body and steady heartbeat acted as a good place to sleep. Being that I only got 1 hour of sleep, it was pretty cofortable. That and I felt _safe. _Safe and protected. I knew he would never let anything harmful come near me. Ever.

"Ryan, I'm scared," I mumbled, barely awake.

"I know, babe, I know," He smiled and rubbed my shoulder.

"What if he finds us? What will we do then? What if he... you know... takes it to the next level?"

"Please, Kara, I dont think that's gonna happen. But if does, we go to the poilce."

"The police won't stop him, Ryan. Seriously, you've met him. When he wants something he'll get it. Especially something like that," I reasoned. I was the logical one of us. "I wish it would all be okay. But it's not, and I hope it will be. I wanna be with you forever, Ryan. I really do love you," Okay and I also pour my heart into thing I say. Yeah I know it's corny, get over it.

"We will be together forever, beautiful. Always. I love you."

"What are we gonna do when we get there? Get jobs? What about _Idol_?"

"I already talked to Fuller. I told him you and I wouldn't be returning for next season for personal reasons, and you have a bachelors in political science, right?"

"Right..."

"You could try and become an attorney."

"I'd need a higher degree, which I don't have."

"Ever thought about going back to school? You could take online classes."

I guess I could do that. I wouldn't be a very good lawyer, though. I'd probably laugh at most of the stuff people sue other people for. A hotel manager is an option and since the islands are mostly occupied by tourists, then that would be a good source of income. I grabbed my handbag and took out my phone.

"Don't make a call, it's too expensive," Ryan said, obviously curious on what I was doing.

"I'm not." I got onto the internet and searched St. Thomas job openings. Perfect! Hilton Hotels Corporation: General Management Job Opening. Bright and bold letters. Charlotte Amalie is the biggest city in The Virgin Islands, and the best place for us. I looked up the average temperture for the year is like 85° all year 'round. That's crazy. Anyways, I showed Ryan the job description:

_Degree required: Bachelor of Art, Bachelor of Business, or Bachelor of Science._

_Experience needed: None._

The 'no experience needed' thing kinda surprised me. "I think it's a good idea," he smiled and gave me back my phone.

"Where are we going to stay? If we're going to stay here permantly, we've got to have a place to live," I said, snuggling back into his strong arms. A single tear ran down my face.

"Don't worry, baby, it'll be fine. Just leave it all to me, okay?" He soother. He was someone I could believe in.

I turned my head to look at him. "Okay," I nodded, and I kissed him passionately.

_Everybody needs inspiration,  
Everbody needs a song.  
A beautiful melody,  
When the night's so long.  
Cause there is no guarantee,  
That this life is easy._

Yeah when my world is falling apart.  
When there's no light to break up the dark,  
That's when I, I, I look at you.  
When the waves are flooding the shore,  
and I can't find my way home anymore.  
That's when I, I, I look at you.

When I look at you,  
I see forgiveness,  
I see the truth.  
You love me for who I am,  
Like the stars hold the moon,  
Right there where they belong.  
and I know im not alone.

Yeah when my world is falling apart,  
When there's no light to break up the dark,  
That's when I, I, I look at you.  
When the waves are flooding the shore,  
and I can't find my way home anymore,  
That's when I, I, I look at you.

You, appear just like a dream to me.  
Just like kaleidoscope colors,  
That cover me,  
All I need,  
Every breath that I breathe,  
Don't you know you're beautiful!

Yeah

When the waves are flooding the shore,  
and I can't find my way home anymore,  
That's when I, I, I look at you.  
I look at you, Yeah, Woah.

You, appear just like a dream to me.


	10. I'm Moving On: Part Two

**A/N: Guys I need reviews. I don't know if your reading it and liking it. So please... even constructive criticism would be nice. Just something, please. And P.S. this is a loooonnnngggg one.**

_I'm Moving On: Part 2_

_Chapter 10_

While I slept, Ryan went small house shopping. He decided to put an offer on it. The house was pretty expensive already but Ryan decided to but an offer higher than the original price, to almost guarantee we'd get the house we wanted. The 3 bedroom 3 bath was light and airy, it seemed like a great place for us.

We were now half way through our trip, and I was jet lagged. Let alone being jet-lagged, the lack of sleep was miserable too. I felt like I had the flu, and I could not wait to change airplanes. Ryan said that my eyes were puffy, and I just had this horrible headache and was as nauseated as hell. When the flight attendent told us that we would be landing soon, I was so relieved. I think Ryan was too. When he saw me sick he immediately started soothing me. Our love is _real_.

"Hear that, baby? We'll be landing soon," He said, softly brushing the sweaty hair off my neck. Ryan didn't care.

"Yeah... I don't know if I can go through another 6 hours," I said. I was just a wreck.

"Hold on," He pulled out his own cell phone. I saw him type 'flights to Charlotte Amalie for **((insert tomorrow's date here))**'... and like three came up. "I'll tell you what, let's not take the flight now, maybe get the one that takes off at 10:30, and just go get something to eat, shop or something. You feel up to that?" Did he say shop? I don't know, though. We need clothes and that kinda stuff so I think that's a good idea. But I need to rest.

"Is there a flight tomorrow afternoon?" I muttered

"Uhhhh, yeah. Do you think we should do that instead?''

"Yeah, I need to sleep somewhere other than an airplane tonight."

"I agree. My back is starting to hurt."

The flight attendant the announced we'd be landing in Houston and to put on our seatbelt. Soon enough we would be ending our flight on the plane. I still felt like shit, but hopefully it would get better soon enough. I grabbed Ryan's hand as the impact hit when we were on the ground and God, it never felt so good.

An hour later we were leaving the airport and had already booked our next flight. Doing this was risky, being that it was a big town and we were celebrities that kept a relationship on the downlow. I loved Ryan, and he loved me. Nothing else matters.

The taxi ride was terrible. I swear he was trying to hit every red light and every huge bump. Hours later, or so it seemed, we got to the hotel.

"Room for two," Ryan said to the person at the desk as he gave her the money.

"758, 7th floor," she smiled, and handed us the key.

When we got to our room, he and I both went over and laid down on the bed. We were both beat. Even though it was only 5, I was already sleepy. That's when I decided that I was gonna take a hot bath. I told Ryan and I slowly started to sit up. As soon as I got to a 45 degree angle my arms went comepletely weak under me and I fell back down. I was such a wreck.

"You alright?''

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

"Are you su-"

"YES!" I'm not in the mood right now. I'm sick and scared. My eyes started to well up with tears. Ryan immediately helped me up and pulled me into his arms. I felt so bad about yelling at him. He's trying to possibly save my life, and I shouted at him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I cried into his neck. His familiar cologne somewhat made me homesick.

"It's okay, baby, it's fine, I love you so much," he said, rubbing my back, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Ry."

"Do you want me to help you, sweetheart?" He asked, wiping my tears off my cheeks. I slowly nodded my head, which still gave me slight whiplash. "Alright, baby, c'mon, you can do it," he smiled, helping me up and into the bathroom. It must've not just been jet lag, but something else too. It's never been this bad. "Call for me if you need help." Smiling, he walked out the door. When I started running the water, I seriously felt the emotional pain. It was unbearable thinking that everything I had, a job with loving people, a large Italian famly that I'll probably never see again, and just the life that I always dreamed of was gone. Long gone. And it wasn't gonna come back. But the only positive thing that came out of all of this was I had _Ryan_. The love of my life. My soulmate. And I knew he felt the same way as I did. I knew he felt the passion, by the way he looked at me. I loved him, and some bastard can take all the material stuff away, but he can't take my love.

As I stepped in, the warm water immediately started helping my physical pain, but my emotional cravings were still there. I needed him to hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay, because at the moment I was being a total pessimist. "Ryan!" I called, and he came running in.

"Are you okay, Kara?" he panicked, totally alert by now.

"Yes, I'm fine, I just need you to be in here with me."

Ryan crouched down to my height and took my hand in his. "I know you're scared and I know that you're worried, but we're going to pull through this _together_. I promise I will never leave you, love," he kissed my hand. "Never." I started to cry just thinking about everything. "No, sweetheart, don't cry, please, baby, it's going to be okay, shhhhh, it 's alright. You'll be okay, I promise, you're sickness will be gone in a couple hours."

I promised myself that I wouldn't look at the bad side of this, for Ryan. For him when he did the right thing. The truth is, that, if we didn't do this, we would have never been able to get together. I would have never experienced that love that I never felt with Mike.

He wiped the tears from my eyes, pushed the hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. We spent almost an hour siiting there like, and just stared in each other's eyes. When my body was all wrinkly, I decided I would try and move. My strength right then was running on zero, and I was just a tired mess. Ryan helped me out and I just through on the cami and jeans I was wearing; I wasn't going to a fashion show, I just wanted to be comfortable.

"Listen, babe, I know your stressed too," I continued, "but let's seriously think about this again. Is running away from our troubles really gonna help anything?"

"Yeah, it is. I don't want you getting hurt, and if we decided to use words instead actions, you would be. Repititively." He was right. I didn't wanna be hurt emtionally or physically.

"So we're going through with this?"

"Yes, Kara. We are gonna do this."

I smiled. I knew that he knew what he was doing and nothing would stop him.


	11. Last Kiss

_Last Kiss_

_Chapter 11_

I fell asleep that night reasured, and doubtful at the same time. Even though it was hard with everything going through my mind, I knew Ryan was right there if I needed him. Applesause and a Butterfinger helped the nausea, but I still had a throbbing headache. Ryan decided just to go out and get me some Tylenol, which helped too.

At 8:00 the next morning, the alarm in my phone went off. Ryan and I layed there for a few minutes; we both didn't want to get up. The moment was just to perfect. I loved the way I'd lay my head on his chest and hear his strong and steady heartbeat. It was like my own personal lullaby.

"Good morning, beautiful," He said eventually as I lifted my head off of his chest.

"Good morning, Ryan," I kissed him passionately.

"You look much better today."

"Thanks, I guess," I smiled and kissed him again.

We both took turns taking showers, even though Ryan insisted we should take one together, to save time and water. He said that with a wink, though. I told him I wasn't up for it. He smiled, even though I knew he was diappointed.

Before we left, Ryan and I both sat down on the bed, and talked for a few minutes. "Are you ready, baby?" he asked me and took my hand.

"Yeah, I'm ready for this," I sighed. I wasn't ready.

"Let's go, then," Ryan smiled and we both walked out the door.

Ryan and I went to the nearest department store and blew more than 500 dollars. And we only got nessesary stuff. We bought a suitcase and some clothes but that was it. It felt nice wearing something fresh, and clean. We climbed in the back of a taxi, and decided to go get something to eat. The restraunt was packed, and I was scared out of my pants. If one person recignized us, we would be history. The plan would fail. I would be dead meat, or a dead woman. After we ordered, Ryan came and sat on my side of the booth. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in close. "I love you, and don't you ever forget that," He whispered in my ear.

"Don't worry, honey, I won't."

I smiled when he started kissing my jaw line. I loved when he did that.

When we were done at the restraunt, Ryan got a call about the house that we wanted. He said that the realitor said the offer was unbeatable, and we would deffinately be getting the house. I was ecstatic and almost screamed in the cab. We were going to pull through this, and I knew it now. Not just because of the house, but because of the way I was looking at it. When you look optimistically to the future, good things happen. I guess I was confident. Our flight was taking off soon, and I wasn't to sure about that, though. For sure I didn't want to go through that again. Not fun.

We boarded our potentially breakthrough flight, and I was really anxious to get there. It was hard to control my excitement. Even though my anxiety was high, I was still really tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep. I wanted to stay awake and be with Ryan, but I knew there would be a lot of that to come, so I started to doze off. Before I could though, Ryan pulled me into his arms and took my hand in his. Something was wrong, but I didn't know what. The breathing masks were dropped and the pilot announced: "Brace for impact!"  
I squrmed from Ryan's grip and put on my seatbelt and air mask and grabbed his hand. I moved closer to the window to see how up we were up. The plane was maybe 250 feet off the ground and plumiting vertically towards the ground. Tears stung my eyes, and if Mike didn't kill me, I would be dead now. I looked Ryan in the eyes, removed my mask for a second and said,"I love you, baby." I didn't want to say goodbye, but I thought I would have to. I never thought we'd have a last kiss.

_I still remember the look on your face  
Lit through the darkness at 1:58  
The words that you whispered  
For just us to know  
You told me you loved me  
So why did you go  
Away?_

Away...

I do recall now  
The smell of the rain  
Fresh on the pavement  
I ran off the plane  
That July 9th  
The beat of your heart  
It jumps through your shirt  
I can still feel your arms

And now I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is  
I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember  
The swing in your step  
The life of the party, you're showing off again  
And I roll my eyes and then  
You pull me in  
I'm not much for dancing  
But for you I did

Because I love your handshake  
Meetin' my father  
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets  
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something  
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

And I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is  
I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep  
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe  
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are  
Hope it's nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines  
And it's a beautiful day  
And something reminds you  
You wish you had stayed  
You can plan for a change in the weather and time  
But I never planned on you changing your mind

So  
I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is  
I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss  
Forever the name on my lips  
Forever the name on my lips  
Just like our last... 

It was a good 38 years. It happened. We hit the ground. It took me a minute but I opened my eyes and looked over at Ryan. Thank God he was looking back at me, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. All the pain I felt at the time was in my arm. I looked at it and the window had broken and the glass was in my arm. I didn't move it and then the sirens outside were overpowering every other noise, except for a loud scream coming from the back. I wanted to look and see if I could help, but I was to scared to move. Ryan let go of my hand and looked back to see a man covered in blood and his wife or fiancee or girlfriend or friend or something sobbing. The man was seizing and shaking. Ryan was about to turn around to help when an attendant yelled at him. "Sir! You **need** to sit back down!'' she yelled. He didn't care what the hell she said. He removed the thing from his face and ask the woman a question. "Are you okay?" She replied with nothing but a shake of her head and someone else came running up to the couple. Ryan decided this was his que to sit down.

He turned to face me. "Are you okay, babe?" Ryan asked me, before noticing my injured arm. "Oh, my God, Kara, let me see it

I slowly moved my arm towards him."Sweetheart, that's seri-" He was interupted by the paramedics busting the door open.

"We need everyone out!" The male medic said. The police came in, too. They were holding guns and they were pointing them.

Everyone rose from their seat, but my legs were shaking so hard that I wasn't sure if standing up was good for me. Ryan looked at me as if asking "Are you going to come, or just stay here" The pain and worry in my eyes told him, "I can't". He understood immediately and picked me up bridal style. I loved his understandingness. I wrapped my uninjured arm around his neck and put my head on his shoulder. As soon as we were out, Ryan started running. Fast. I was still shaking from fear, and now adrenaline was pumping through my vains. Then I heard the loudest thing I've ever witnessed, and the most smoke I've ever seen. The plane exploded. The fuel must have leaked and something hot was around it and it struck fire. That's why Ryan was running. By now he was at a jog and we were at least 300 yards from the site.

It was Austin, Texas, it was July, it was damn hot. My short denim stripper shorts and light blue cami didn't help. Ryan was all sweaty from running and his light shorts and t-shirt were not helping anything, either. He sat down right where we were and rocked me in his arms. I was crying then, in pain, fear and worry. This was it. I couldn't handle anymore. No more bad things could happen. I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted to scream. I wanted it all to be over so Ryan and I could live happily after and get married and have a house full of kids. That's all I ever wanted. What did I do to deserve this? Ryan pulled my phone out of my handbag and called 9-1-1. I didn't want him to, but I knew he would anyway, so I didn't put up a fight. When he hung up, he kissed my forehead. "There's another flight that leaves at 11:50. We could make that." He said pulling me close to his body. I'm not sure I wanna try again. I kinda just wanted to surrender to failure and go home. Give up. Say "I quit". My motivation was running on low. I'll do it if he wants me to. I'll do it for him. I'll do it for pride.

The paramedics showed up a few minutes later. They wrapped my arm in gauze and put me in the back of the truck to the hospital. Ughhhhhh...


	12. How Do I Live

_How Do I Live_

_Chapter 12_

I cried all the way to the hospital. Even though Ryan sat there and held my hand through the whole ride, I was scared. I didn't understand why I had an IV hooked up to me. I didn't understand anything at the moment, actually. When we got to the hospital, they suggested surgery. Surgery? Really, is that _**really**_ nessesary. I don't think so. I just want everything to be perfect. Maybe my expectations are to high. I don't know.

"Ms. DioGuardi, will need surgery to repair her upper arm. The glass is in there way to far to be removed non-surgically." I didn't want surgery. I didn't want any of this. But they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

"When is the best time for surgery?" I asked. I kinda just wanted to get it over with.

"Now, if your ready," he said. I looked at Ryan and he nodded.

"Okay," I sighed. They prepped me for the OR and Ryan stood by my side until they told him he couldn't anymore. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry," I cried when he hugged me before I went in.

"You don't have to be, sweetheart. You'll be alright, I promise," He rubbed my back. I felt like I failed him. "Listen, there's nothing you could do to to stop this. Stuff happens. You just need to show it who's boss. You'll do fine." I hoped he was right.

Ryan kissed me softly before they took me in. How would I live without him?

_How do I get through one night without you  
If I had to live without you  
What kind of life would that be  
Oh I, I need you in my arms  
Need you to hold  
You're my world, my heart, my soul_

If you ever leave  
Baby you would take away everything good in my life  
And tell me now

How do I live without you  
I want to know  
How do I breathe without you  
If you ever go  
How do I ever, ever survive  
How do I  
How do I  
Oh, how do I live

Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky  
There would be no love in my life  
There'd be no world left for me  
And I, oh Baby, I don't know what I would do  
I'd be lost if I lost you  
I  
f you ever leave  
Baby you would take away everything real in my life  
And tell me now

How do I live without you  
I want to know  
How do I breathe without you  
If you ever go  
How do I ever, ever survive  
How do I  
How do I  
Oh, how do I live

Please tell me baby  
How do I go on

If you ever leave  
Baby you would take away everything  
Need you with me  
Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life  
And tell me now

How do I live without you  
I want to know  
How do I breathe without you  
If you ever go  
How do I ever, ever survive  
How do I  
How do I  
Oh, how do I live

how do I live without you  
how do I live without you baby  
how do I live... 

The next thing I remember was waking up with Ryan holding my hand and my arm was covered in gauze wrap. "Kara, sweetheart!" He exclaimed, hugging me tight. "How do you feel?"

"Not much of anything; the pain killers are strong."

"So, better, I take it?" Ryan asked, pulling me in closer to his body.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Good," He kissed me passionately on the lips. I giggled after he did this. Just because he's Ryan, and liked to mess with me, he did it again. It felt _so_ good, and I started laughing hysterically. "Shhhh," he whispered almost silently in my ear; he had his ways with me.

After Ryan got me to calm down, he started explaining what the doctor told him.

"He talked to me while you were still under the anesthetic, and said that he wouldn't need to admit you, and that you would be able to leave tonight."

That was good news. I didn't want to be in here any longer than nessesary. The doctor walked in then. "We're going to let you go now, Ms. DioGuardi. I think you'll be alright. Just watch how much you lift and stay on the pain killers for 24 hours."

Great. Looks like another night in Austin.

An hour later at 9:00 we were leaving the hospital with my perscriptiion filled. When we got to the hotel, I cuddled into Ryan's arms and we just sat there, kinda overwhelmed. I didn't want to break the silence, so I layed there, in his arms, hearing his heartbeat. Just like this morning. But this morning I didn't have a busted up arm, and I wasn't scarred for life. "Do you want to go on?" He asked quietly, and kissing my head.

"What?"

"Do you want to keep going, like, do you wanna still go? I think we should just go home."

I can't believe he is saying this. The person who's motivated me to do this; not to give up. This is crazy. "Of course I want to continue!" He looked at me, and let go. I turned my body to face him. I didn't want to yell, but it was tempting. "Look, Ryan, I would have to be damn crazy to turn around now! I don't want you to be hurt, and I don't want to be hurt anymore than I am now. I want to be with you, not be stuck with Mike just because I am afraid of him!" He could probably see the stress in my eyes. I think that's why he didn't get mad. "And guess what? The worst thing is, I was pregnant a couple months ago and Mike killed my baby! I'm not okay with that!" I then broke down in his arms.

"Alright, babe, just calm down, sshhhhhh, we'll be alright, shhhh, baby, you're fine," Ryan soothed and held me as I cried. He ran his fingers through my straightened hair, as he rocked me slightly in his arms.

I cried harder as I thought about that baby. A poor little life that was shattered just because some stupid guy hurt me. I was crushed now that I thought it through. Maybe I'd never been so emotional over recalling something in my life. But the biggest thing was, I'm 38. My biological clock is ticking. I know that they have all kinds of fertility drugs these days, but it doesn't feel right to do that. I love Ryan, and I know he wants the same things that I do, and I want to be able to give he what he wants. I would feel horrible if I couldn't give him that. I kinda just wanted to have sex with him now; I felt like that could help.

I got up, walked over to our suitcase and zipped it shut. I slung my purse over my shoulder and got ready to go. "Where are you going?"

"I've got a plane to catch. You can come too, if you wish," I kissed him, as if I was going to leave with out him.

"Hold on a second, then," He took my hand and pulled me back to him. "There is no way you can go on that flight. Those drugs your taking aren't allowed on a plane." He has a point. I didn't care about the pain, though. It wasn't the biggest thing on my mind at the moment. "Wait," he said pulling my left hand out away from me, "what did you do with your engagement ring?"

"Ohhhhh, that, well, ummmmmm, I... kinda flushed it down the toilet..." I said quietly.

Ryan laughed, "Good idea, Kara, smart." I giggled when he kissed me.

"Stop distracting me, jerk! We gotta go!" I joked, pushing him away.

"Alright, fine, you win," he smiled and we left the hotel room.


	13. If I Were A Boy

_If I Were a Boy_

_Chapter 13_

The flight was finally successful. We landed near Charlotte Amalie at 6:50. I was excited that we finally got there and God, was it hot. At 6:50 in the morning, too. When we walked outside of the airport, all you could smell was the saltwater in the breeze. I took one breath and I wanted to cry it felt so good. Ryan kissed me on the sidewalk of the airport, and we decided to go get breakfast. The food was the worst tasting stuff I've ever eaten, but whatever. If I get food poisoning later, someone's gonna get it from me.

After we were done there, we decided to go get a car. Since money wasn't an obstacle, it was fine to do that now. Ryan wanted some fancy sportscar, but I wouldn't have it. I'm from a small town. I didn't want our kids to be raised living a celebrity life, when that's one reason we left in the first place.

We pulled up on the house and it needed some effin' work on the outside. Ryan must have saw the look on my face. "I'll work on it," he smiled, taking my hand. I laughed and shook my head; it was like he could read my mind. No one was home so we went ahead and looked inside from the window. It was very LA like, I guess that's what I liked most about it.

"Alright, babe, we should get a hotel room for the next couple of nights," I said reluctantly. I didn't like hotels, and I deffinately didn't like the thought of staying there for a week or so before we can start moving in.

The week surpisingly flew by quickly. We were on our last night that we wouldn't be in our own house. While Ryan shopped online for clothes and shoes for him, I caught up on sleep. I hadn't been sleeping very good. I didn't like lying there awake because those horrible things would come and stick there until I couldn't possibly stay awake any longer. That happens at 4:30 in the morning. Today I was just fatigued enough to pass out at 2:15 pm.

Ryan said he wanted to "celebrate" tonight... I was excited for whatever that was! He said he was going to take me out to dinner, and from there on he knew I knew what we were gonna do. I was fine with that now, that I felt better.

I slowly started to wake up to Ryan softly calling my name. "Kara, sweeheart," he came over and moved his arm so it was around my waist.

"Hmmmmm?" I moaned, rubbing my eyes.

"You wanna start getting ready? It's 4:30," he said, kissing my forehead.

"Oh, crap, it is? I needed to stop out and get something before we go," I said as I sat up quickly.

"It's alright, you've got time," He said, kissing me again, but on the lips and more passionately.

I pushed him away. "Not right now, babe, later though. I promise."

I put myself together and walked over to Ryan who was now on our laptop that we bought a day before. "I'll call you if I get lost," I smiled and kissed him once again. I started to leave.

"Hey, babe?" Ryan said, and looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want the keys?"

"Ummm, yeah those might be helpful," I laughed. "Bye." I walked out to the car and turned on the radio. That Beyonce song which reminded me of eveything Mike had done to me came on.

_f I were a boy even just for a day  
I'd roll out of bed in the morning  
And throw on what I wanted  
And go drink beer with the guys_

And chase after girls  
I'd kick it with who I wanted  
And I'd never get confronted for it  
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy  
I think I could understand  
How it feels to love a girl  
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her  
'Cause I know how it hurts  
When you lose the one you wanted  
'Cause he's taking you for granted  
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy  
I would turn off my phone  
Tell everyone it's broken  
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first  
And make the rules as I go  
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful  
Waiting for me to come home, to come home

If I were a boy  
I think I could understand  
How it feels to love a girl  
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her  
'Cause I know how it hurts  
When you lose the one you wanted  
'Cause he's taking you for granted  
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back  
Say it's just a mistake  
Think I'd forgive you like that  
If you thought I would wait for you  
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy  
You don't understand  
And you don't understand, oh  
How it feels to love a girl  
Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her  
You don't care how it hurts  
Until you lose the one you wanted  
'Cause you're taking her for granted  
And everything you had got destroyed  
But you're just a boy  


I went to the local Abercrombie and Fitch and bought a dress and jewelry. I also bought a bikini, being on an island in the Caribean, I thought it might come in handy. Before I left the mall, I stopped to get a new pair of black high heels to match my new dress and a curling iron. I didn't really care how much it was. After that, I headed to the gas station to fill up the car and get some coffee, which I needed badly. When I got back to the hotel, Ryan was on the phone with someone, but I didn't know who it was. I was kinda scared that it was someone who was wondering where we were. I was calling the phone company as soon as we were moved in to get my number changed so no one had it. I would give it to Paula, my brother, my father, and of course I would give it to Ryan but that was it. No one that I used to trust would have that number. You never knew who would stab you in the back, especially in a city like LA.

Ryan hung up the phone, and of course I was nervous, so I asked him who it was.

"My mom. She said she was worried because she hadn't heard from me or about me for a month or so. I told her everything was fine, and you and I had just moved away from it all to be together. You were worried it was, someone, who could, well..."

"Yeah, I was. I didn't mean to be all up in your stuff like that. I'm sorry," I went behind the chair and wrapped my arms around his neck. I kissed his cheek, too.

"Don't be, sweetie," He turned around and kissed me softly.

"I'm gonna go get ready," I grinned largely. I took a shower, curled my hair and did my make up before I put my dress on. The dress was a little slutty, but who cares. It fit perfectly, but it was to high up for me to zip it. "Ryan, can you help me with something?" I called.

"Yes, sweetheart?" He opened up the bathroom door to see me standing there barefoot holding a dress to my body. "I'm guessing you want me to zip that," Ryan said walking toward me.

He took his time zipping the dress up, which I honestly didn't mind. His warm, strong hands on my body felt good. When my dress was zipped, he pulled me back to his body and just held me there. I felt comfortable in his arms, and was willing to stay there as long as he'd let me. But we had a place we needed to go. We stared at each other in the mirror, and Ryan started to kiss my neck. "Stop it," I moaned quietly. "Stop, not now, wait until we get home, ahhhhhh."

Ryan slowly moved his face away from my neck and I really hated that I had to tell him no. I slipped my high heels on, Ry slipped his hand around my hips and we walked out to our car together.


	14. The Black Dress Song

_The Black Dress Song_

_Chapter 14_

Ryan and I drove down to this restraunt that was right on the beach, and it was beautiful. The food and wine tasted great as well. After dinner, Ryan and I walked down to the boardwalk. Music and the smell of cotton candy filled the air, and the sound of waves crashing peacefully 500 yards away from us was realxing. I kept my hand intertwined with his the whole time we walked. And of course I had to get something while we were there, so I got a white tank top that had "Charlotte Amalie" on the front in light pink, and a black pair of cheer short like things that said "Virgin Islands" in white on the butt. Ry got a t-shirt that said the same. He also tried on a stupid looking hat, and I started laughing harder than I ever have. Ryan then made me try on the God-awful thing, and insisted that he'd get a picture of it.

"C'mon, babe, just one," he pleaded. I gave in. I smiled and gave him a thumbs up, we checked out and left.

We totally made out in the empty elevator on the way up to our floor. Ryan pulled me into the room, and grabbed the zipper on the back of my dress. He kissed me while he did this, and obviously he was a little hesitant, thinking he would hurt me. "Don't be," He kissed me again so I was interupted, "like that. I'm okay, baby. I'm fine."

"'Kay," he mumbled through our kiss. He moved my dress down my body and started kissing my upper chest and collar bone, then down to my stomach. I was moaning so loud I had to tell myself to shut up, because I was afraid of waking the other people up. You can't really have mad sex in a hotel room successfully. But we did anyway.

_Tuxedo waiters, black ties  
White tablecloths and red wine  
We've been plannin' this night  
Lookin' forward to it for some time_

Honey, I know you love gettin' dressed up  
And you know I love showin' you off  
Watchin' your baby blue eyes  
Dancin' in the candlelight glow  
All I can think about is gettin' you home

Walkin' through the front door  
Seein' your black dress hit the floor  
Honey there sure ain't nothing  
Like you lovin' me all night long  
And all I can think about is gettin' you home

I don't need this menu, no I don't  
I already know just what I want  
Did I hear you right? Did you tell me  
Go pay the waiter and let's leave?

Now honey, I know by that look in your eyes  
And your hand drawin' hearts onto mine  
That our night out of the house  
Ain't gonna last too long  
When all you can think about is gettin' me home

Walkin' through the front door  
Seein' your black dress hit the floor  
Honey there sure ain't nothing  
Like you lovin' me all night long  
And all I can think about is gettin' you home

Walkin' through the front door  
Seein' your black dress hit the floor  
Honey there sure ain't nothing  
Like you lovin' me all night long  
And all I can think about  
All I can think about  
All I can think about is gettin' you home

I woke earlier than Ry did so I just layed there and watched him sleep. I didn't know if last night would've helped me get what I wanted or not, but time was running out and there's nothing I could do about it, except using IVF. I really don't wanna do that, though. I'd feel lke it was fake, and I didn't want my baby to be fake.  
Ryan woke up to me staring starry-eyed up at him. "Good morning, gorgeous. You scared me," he smiled, and wrapped his arms around me.

"Good morning, Ry."

"Are you ready for today?" That's right. Today is the day we were going to begin moving in to our new home. I was excited and anxious at the same time.

"Yeah, I'm ready to be officially gone from LA," I sighed.

"Why a sigh?"

"I'm just scared, I keep thinking that somehow Mike will come and find us..."

"Don't you dare even think like th-"

I cut him off. "You never know, love. You really don't."

"Well let's just focus on moving in the next few days. Stop thinking about what was." He was right. I needed to stop dwelling in the past. It was going to be hard, and painful, but I was willing to try. "Guess what you forgot to do today?"

" Oh, crap, what?" I panicked, propping myself up on my elbows.

"Kiss me," he grinned.

"Oh shut up, you got your share last night," I smirked sarcastically, but I kissed him anyway. "What time are we meeting the realitor to get the keys?"

"1:30," Ryan smiled and ran his fingers through my hair.

"I wanna leave early and get some little things for the house."

"Ok." he smiled, and kissed me softly again.


	15. I Won't Let Go

_I Won't Let Go_

_Chapter 15_

**Third Person P.O.V.**

Kara slowly started pulling away. She was so perfect, Ryan thought.

Suddenly, Kara sat up. "Why does everything have to be so bittersweet?" she asked, her tiny body shivering.

"I don't know, sweetheart," Ryan continued. "But I do know it will only only get better." I hope, Ryan thought. He never saw happiness in Kara's eyes. The first time Ryan met her was the only time he saw her truely smile. Before either of them could say anything else, her phone went off. She already made sure Mike had a special ringtone so she knew when not to answer, but this was someone else.

"Kara, Are you okay?" a familiar sweet voice panicked.

"Yes Paula, I'm fine," Kara smiled at her worried friend's voice.

"Where are you? Have you talked to Ryan? Have you seen him?"

"Calm down! Ryan is with me and we're in the Virgin Islands. Everthings fine."

"Oh, my God, Kara, tell me next time before you leave!"

"It was kinda... an abrupt decision," Kara shot a glance at Ryan.

"Oh, I see. When are you coming home?" Paula asked.

Kara didn't know what to say. She knew they weren't going back to LA unless Mike was prosecuted. "Um, well, Ry and I... we don't plan on... coming back for a... long time." This broke both Kara and Paula's hearts.

" I can't belive you, Kara. Why so randomly?"

"Ryan and I decided that it would be better for my emotional andd physical health if I wasn't around Mike. I miss you though Paula. Really. I miss Randy and Mezghan. Even Simon," she giggled through her silent tears.

"Awwww, sweetheart, I miss you, too."

" Promise me you won't tell Mike or anyone we talked, okay?"

"Alright," Paula was always sincere; she could be trusted.

Ryan mouthed to Kara to get off the phone or they'd be late."Paula, I'll call you back later, okay? We have to go get the keys to our new house," Kara smiled, as if Paula could actually see her, and Ryan wiped tears of her cheeks.

"Okay, sweetie. Take care of yourself and watch out for Ryan, don't drive him nuts," Paula smirked.

"I will, bye," Kara giggled turned to her boyfriend. "Oh, my God, I can't believe I just had to tell her that!" she cried and threw herself into Ryan's arms. He had to wipe a tear from his own eyes, matter-of-fact. He rubbed her back and rocked her until her sobs turned into soft cries.

"Babe, you'll be alright, shhhhh, I'm right here and I'll hold you and I won't let go."

_It's like a storm  
That cuts a path  
It breaks your will  
It feels like that  
You think you're lost  
But you're not lost on your own,  
You're not alone_

I will stand by you,  
I will help you through  
When you've done all you can do  
and you can't cope  
I will dry your eyes,  
I will fight your fight  
I will hold you tight  
and I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry  
I know its dark this part of life  
Oh it find us all and we're to small  
to stop the rain  
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you,  
I will help you through  
When you've done all you can do  
and you can't cope  
I will dry your eyes,  
I will fight your fight  
I will hold you tight  
and I won't let you fall

Don't be afraid to fall  
I'm right here to catch you  
I won't let you down  
It won't get you down  
You're gonna make it  
I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you,  
I will help you through  
When you've done all you can do  
and you can't cope  
I will dry your eyes,  
I will fight your fight  
I will hold you tight  
and I won't let go

Oh I'm gonna hold you  
and I won't let go  
Won't let you go  
No I won't 

**Kara's POV**

Ryan and I sat and held each other for at least 5 minutes. I gripped him tightly, as if letting go meant dying. His soft, warm touch against my bare back was extremely comforting to me, to know he was there. When I pulled away from his embrace, I smiled and touched his cheek. "I'm so incredibly blessed that I have you, Ry," I said softly. "Thanks you so much."

He pulled me back into his arms. "You, my love, don't have to thank me. I did this because I love you way to much to let you be hurt."

And with that, they knew that they had found 'the one', that the sparks had flown. But what they didn't know, was that Paula's phone was tapped.


End file.
